Vasectomy Continued....

After reading the entry that took place almost a year ago, "Vasectomy and tears" I thought maybe I should retouch on the subject. Of course there are times when I still feel sad, especially when three of my friends are having babies very soon, and when they first got pregnant at the same time, I was consumed with jealousy. But do I still hate Husband? Not so much. There are times here and there when I think about it, but the actual feelings of bitterness and resentment have faded. I chose to forgive and try to get over it. After all there really is nothing I can do about any of it, now that it is done!

Does that mean I have let go of all hope of ever having children? No, I haven't, not deep down inside. Which seems ridiculous, being that it probably is NOT going to happen, but Jesus did say, "With man this is impossible, but with God ALL things are possible." So I guess I hold onto the the thought that if God wants us to have another baby, it will be. I mean after all ina few days we are about to celebrate the birth of his son, who was born of a virgin, right?

I will say, when I actually think about what it means to have a newborn, I cringe. I mean what am I thinking. Up every two hours, with to other kids, poopy diapers, crying and not knowing what's wrong, throwing up. Diaper bags, and infant car seats. I'm good. So is it just that i want another because I can't? Or is that just part of being a woman. And eternal need to pro create? I can't say what the answer to that is for sure.

But I can say that marriages can be restored after something that horrible, and that betraying. Yes, I did feel betrayed. And sometimes I feel betrayed still, but I have two beautiful children, and we can afford to do great things with them, and get them gifts, and spoil them. We can let them play the sports they want or take dance classes, and let's face it, Two is easier. I think Husband should have waited until we both came to an absolute decision, TOGETHER, but I do think he thought he was making the best decision for our family. At least now I can look at it like that!