Awesome!

I know I said this blog would be real. That it would show my real emotions and I would be 100% honest all of the time. And lately all of my posts are positive and full of energy, and I have to say, it's because that;s how I feel. I am so lucky to be alive. I don't mean living and breathing air, but truly alive. I feel like my soul is on fire today! My soul is on fire! And the only excuse I have is to admit the amazing blessings and the awesome way God is working in my life! God is real, and he loves us. He wants us to be closer. He loves us the way we are. He sees all the things we do. WE can't hide from him. Even the things you do in secret, the most horrible things you could do, he wants to forgive you for it! He wants to hold you in his arms, and say," I love you, and of course I forgive you!" But he is a gentleman, and he isn't going to push himself on you. He is waiting for you to come to him. TO open your arms, and your mind, and soften your hearts, and say, "Lord God, I know that I am a sinner, I know that I don't deserve you, but I am sorry! I know that you the Lord Jesus has died on the cross, and with that, he took away all my sin, all my disease, in order to make me whole. He rose on the third day, to claim his thrown, proving he is the messiah. I love you Jesus. I want you in my heart, I long for your arms around my, for you ultimate power. I long for you to be my best friend, and I want your forgiveness. I am sorry for the things I do, that act out against you. I'm sorry for my sin. I want to take my life, and give it all to you Lord. You can have ALL of me, and I want the fire burning in me, that only you can give! I love you Lord Jesus, and I thank you for saving me from the Enemy, and from myself! From here on end, I want to live, truly live! In Jesus Name, Amen!"

It was nine months ago, I had said a similar prayer, and my entire life has changed. I'm not walking around on cloud nine all the time, But I should be! When I think about what He has done for us, how can you not be excited?

I had always had God in my life, he gave me the amazing ability to see something positive in the most horrible situations. I knew Jesus was my savior, and I had lots of love! I went to church, and I tried to be a good person. Honest, caring, generous, and loving. At least I thought I was. I thought I was a good christian. But every time I heard the call, to raise my hand and ask Jesus into my life, I would wonder, if I needed to. I was never sure I was going to heaven. "How do you know if you are truly saved?" I asked myself. I walked out of church with a better understanding, and sometimes I even thought, that I heard something I should change about myself.

However, I had never read the bible, and the one time I tried, I got nothing out of it. I could have been reading Korean. I wasn't learning how to live right. God was there, but I never KNEW him! I couldn't stand "bible pushers". I thought they got a little too carried away! I mean I really thought if Jesus died for my sins, and I would be forgiven no matter, then what was the big deal? I guess what I didn't realize was, you have to ask for forgiveness, and mean it! You have to try to stop sinning, because if you know God, really know God, you don't want to sin!

I find my life being consumed by God. It is what I wake up thinking about, I go to bed thanking him. I pray in the shower, while I do dishes or run my errands. He comes up in every conversation, and I smile when I think about how awesome his love is for me! It's like falling in love, except I expect this feeling to last, as long as I keep it alive! I talk about him like he is in the room, and I want EVERYONE to feel how amazing it feels to have an honest relationship with our creator.

Last night during our churches, "Friday Night Fire" I had this insane revelation. While singing Chris Tomlins, "Our God is Greater" I realized I have nothing to fear! "And if our God is for us, than who could ever stop us, and if our God is with us, then what could stand against?" What could stand against me , if I have our maker, the creator of ALL things in me? What could ever hold me down, why should I ever be afraid?

Don't get me wrong. Being free from fear doesn't mean being free from common sense or caution. God gave us the ability to be mart and use reason, and we should. Just because I have God on my side, doesn't mean I should put myself in dangerous situations!

But for the first time in my life, I actually feel free. I have spent my whole, almost 30 years, trapped in my bondage of fear. Fear of getting sick, fear of disaster. Fear of the dark, deer, disappointment, germs, fear of divorce, fear of failure, fear of poverty, fear to let myself look weak, fear of something happening to me preventing me from caring for my children, fear of commitment, fear of rejection, Fear of love, fear of being disliked, the paralyzing fear that something would happen to my kids, fear of thunderstorms, the list goes on and on. And today I feel so light. Last night I truly let go, and gave my life to God!

I am sure I will still struggle with some fear, but I will continually remind myself that I don't need fear, I can let go of anxiety, I am a child of God, I picture Jesus on the cross, and my sin, my fear, my illness, whatever I am struggling with, leaving as Jesus' blood washes it away. I don't need anger or fear or resentment, I only need love. I give what I am getting. Love!