It's been almost a year since I have written. So much has changed yet so much has remained the same! I am about as "over" the vasectomy as I am probably ever going to be. I go through moments of relief that i will never have to go through labor, or sleepless nights feeding a baby, and then I go through yearning, because I still want one more. Even if it would be awful. A little girl I would name Ava Lorraine! But hey that's life, and vasectomy or not, if God wants me to have another, I will!
My little peanut is about to turn four in a week. We have come a long way from wiping poop on the walls, to speaking Spanish, (thanks to Dora and Diego!)
The husband and I are doing well, we are learning to manage our money! (HA!) We are trying to learn... What a struggle that can be, but I suppose that is one of things about going from selfish 21 year olds, to "responsible parents within a year of meeting each other. Its a process and we are learning from it!
So what is new? My faith in God. I'm sure I have mentioned God once or twice before, (I hope more than that) And if I haven't, shame on me! But recently we have moved to a new church that feels like a family, and are learning just what it actually means to be a christian. And no it doesn't mean, easy, or being judgemental. In fact it is the opposite. But I am excited to learn more about God's plan. I am ready to put all things into his hands and give my life to and for him! It is exciting!
Over the summer Husband and I were baptized again! During my brief but HILARIOUS speech... lol. I had mentioned how much I HATED bible pushers. Oh and I did. I couldn't stand them, passing on their judgmental beliefs, and who were they to tell me anything I do is wrong. I went to church, I prayed, I taught my kids about God, I was kind and generous, I truly believed in God, I even tried to read the Bible... once. I was alright! Deep down inside I wasn't sure if I was "really" saved, but I was pretty sure. And then I was given a book! "A Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I started to read it, and over the next forty days, realized how lost I really was. If I was as close to God as I thought I was, I shouldn't have been feeling empty or like there was more to life than what I was getting. I should have been satisfied, or on my way to being satisfied.
During the forty days, I also realized I wasn't getting the things I needed at my recent church. Mostly fellowship. We had gone there since Sweet Face was in womb, but I didn't know anyone, so that's almost seven years, or almost eight. (So I can't count, who cares) It was after she gave the book, my niece, started pushing her church on me. I just kept saying, "Leave me alone, I am not going to your freaky church!" But one Sunday morning, Sweet Face and I were awake alone, and decided to try it... We walked in and Sweet Face went to the classroom he was to be in, and I went to the sermon. Oh how I hated it. I saw a few people I had gone to school with and just wanted to get out of there before they saw me, but Sweet Face insisted on stopping to say Hi to be people. (A much kinder soul than his momma) So when an old friend of mine saw me, she ran over, "Did you like it, Do you think you will come back?" To which I respond with no emotion on my face, "I got a lot out of it, but no, I won't be back." And I left. I went home and told husband how I was pretty sure it was a cult, it was insane. People jumping up and down, and waving their arms, as if they were antennas, and it was going to give them better reception to God or something! INSANE
Then next Sunday came, and Sweet Face refused to go into his classroom at our usual church. What an odd thing for him to do, he has been going there since birth and has never given me a hard time, NEVER! He wanted to go back to "his" church. So after a fifteen minute battle and a promise to go back, he went in.
Since I try hard to never break a promise to my kids, we did eventually go back to the freak show of a church, and Husband HATED it. But the second time, I thought, "Huh, it wasn't as bad as I thought, and the kids LOVED it!" SO we went again, then again, then again. And this March will be a year that we have been going, and we have only missed two Sundays. I love the Pastor's, and the people. I read my Bible everyday. I even memorized Bible verses. Husband is applying God's Word into his own life, and the kids show much fire for God it is inspiring. I know raise my antennas up, while I sing at the top of my lungs. I pray all day long, and I believe in so much more than I even knew I could. I our lives are transforming!
Do I still sin? Ahhh yeah! I lose my patience and yell at poor Peanut for being a kid. I still have fear, and anxiety, but now I am equipped to handle it. I have even apologized to my mother and grandmother in law for all the hurt I have caused THEM. HA! I have a hard time keeping my "christian face" on all the time, and I still complain. But now I have God's amazing grace on my side, and his forgiveness!
Our lives have changed so much, that even my family is going, and they have been saved! God is good!
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