OH Sunday

It's funny how when at church, there is so much hope in your heart. Piling your family into your car, and you find your soul at peace. Hopefully that is what you feel after leaving your church. This morning I woke up feeling amazing, I was so excited to get to church, to worship and praise my all the time good God. I get there, and I warmly welcomed by many friendly faces, that genuinely seem to really be glad to see me there. I start off singing with my hands in the air, and my heart softened and my heart open, and then a rumble in my stomach. "You've got to be kidding me!" I rush to the bathroom and hope it will be just a quick toot, or if I empty my bladder, it relieve the pressure! So I clean up and walk back to the sermon. I start to sing again, and more rumbles, I try to ignore them. Then as we greet one another, I am overwhelmed with a sudden flash of heat... "Oh no, I am going to explode!" I lean over to Husband and say, "I am going to the bathroom, I don't know if I am ever coming back out." And I run, tears in my eyes. Of course I see the same person I saw the first time I went to the bathroom and I can feel the blood boil into my face. "Are you ok?" He asks. Embarrassed I simply smirk and shrug. Once in the tiny stall made for kids (because our church doesn't have it's own building, and we are in an elementary school gymnasium) I start to cry. This may seem irrational to many of you, but this is my second week of diarrhea, and it is something I have been struggling with for at least seven years. My head in my hand and the tears pouring down my face, I feel hopeless. I am never going to feel better again. I have lost over ten pounds since Thanksgiving, and though I didn't mind losing the weight that's NOT the way I wanted to. I just want to curl into a ball and lay on the cold tile floor. But being too aware of the disgusting germs awaiting for me on the floor I sucked it up and faced the music. After missing most of the service I come back, crying and sit next to Husband. "Are you ok?" He whispers, and there you have it, I am sobbing and I just want to lay on his lap and cry and I have to finish this sermon and hopefully learn something that will help. Ironically, the last three services at church are about God's benefits and how he wants and will heal all our diseases, and yes that is scriptural. In fact it is stated in Psalm 103:1-5

"1Praise the Lord, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits—

3who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

4who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

5who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s."

So I raise my hand when the Pastor's ask if anyone wants healing, I raise it High, and sob, and blow my nose. I compose myself, and go get my Peanut out of her classroom. I walk back into the gym for the fellowship our church offers, and my niece is standing there, and tells me she has been praying for me to feel better, and I start sobbing again. I am so tired of not feeling well. And she prays for me again. I tell you she is a good little prayer that one! And I walk away feeling better, then I am pulled away to find anew friend and an old friend want to pray for me, and they. Then the Pastor some how sees me crying to Husband, and asks me to come over this week so she can pray. And though my stomach doesn't feel one hundred percent, my spirit sure does. I realize that God put this church and these people in my life, and they feel so much more like a family than my real family ever did. For the first time EVER I feel like I might belong somewhere. Maybe not completely, but to feel there love, is such an incredible blessing. I do walk out every Sunday feeling amazing, and inspired. I found something that most people look for forever. A home, and a better understanding of God, and people who care about me. I love my church. I love the people, and I am so excited to party with these people in heaven for all eternity! Thank God for calling me and my family there!