Dear God,
I have spent the last 29 years fighting with you, resisting you and your love. As a child I could feel your arms around me every time my mother smiled, kissed me, or comforted me, but I also saw how close the devil could get to me while I felt the neglect of my father, on my heart.
I've seen the world swallow amazing people too young, and instead of leaning on You, Lord God, I found comfort in drugs or alcohol, in poetry, music, or bad influences, and spent too much time wallowing in my despair.
When I got to experience the miracle of motherhood I complained, felt resentful, and empty, instead of taking the opportunity of basking in your grace and glory. Instead of showing Your amazing love to my children.
You showed me the man that You chose for me, and I had the audacity to say it wasn't good enough, by being unforgiving and holding onto every wrong doing, and I chose to walk with only my emotions, never really thinking much about his. When you showed me what he and I could be together, I rejected to image, and held on tighter to my bitterness, and resentments.
I've spent too long not being thankful, but dissatisfied with the mediocrity of the life you had planned for me.
But now, here I am Father, four days shy of 30, and I am fully ready to surrender my ALL to you. Not just to make you number one in my life, but to GIVE my life to you. I am ready and willing to love everyone, especially the wonderful man, children, and family, that you have put into my life, according to YOUR law. I want to forgive, and heal not only my wounds, but the wounds of others. I am ready, to show my gratitude towards you , and everything you have given me; in the past, now, and for everything I am blessed to receive in the future. I am going to walk in faith, and fearlessly and be your light in such a dark world.
Here I am Lord, thanking you for never letting me go, for teaching me to love better than I could imagine, for showing me how to be loved, for continually blessing me even though I was so far from you. I am giving up my life, my control, and I want... I need you to take it over. From this day forward I am committing myself to doing your will, no matter what that may mean; to having faith that it'll be for the better, and being thankful for your faithfulness, and to show you the same love and respect, and faith that you have shown me.
I have finally realized that this life isn't about me, or what I want or what I think or even feel. This life is about preparing for eternity and helping others see your glory, along the way.
Yours Truly,
Liz
No comments:
Post a Comment