They had a viewing for her. A great friend, Husband and I attended, and before entering we prayed together, that we could be God's light in such a dark time. That we could bring some sort of comfort, in a horrible situation, and we prayed for strength. I was overwhelmed by the presence of the Holy Spirit as I was getting out of the car, and thought that I was really prepared for what was in store. But as I entered the funeral home, I was literally paralyzed in fear, and grief. My skin began to get flushed and blotchy, and my heart raced while my palms sweat. I started to cry, and wasn't sure I could go in any further. My friend smiled, and sort of pushed me along, and as I was sitting there, waiting to see our friend who bared this loss, I started repeating in my thoughts, "I can do anything with Christ's help. With God I am ok. I have the Lord on my side, " and so forth. I could feel the courage and strength engulf me. I stood up to hold onto Husband, and noticed the teeny baby in the open casket. My heart sank, and my eyes filled with tears, as I stared at Husband, who seemed to be struggling as much as I was. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the longing to go home and be with my babies.
Eventually we made our way to see the grieving parents, and it was such a whirlwind of emotions. A group of people hugging and crying for the loss of a precious baby. For the loss the parents felt. For the time they didn't get to have loving that little child. For the fears of her mother, and the emptiness of their hearts. We cried for our own families, and longed for our children, and I think most of the parents there, were thankful that they got another day with their children.
In my short lifetime, I have seen many kinds of death. Cancer, heart disease, Teenagers, the old. Suicide, and car accidents. Sweet Face even said something about never crying when people pass, I am almost numb, and truly believe that it is a part of life, that we must all get comfortable with, but not this time.
This time, it was hard, and uncomfortable, and it left with me with a sense of sorrow, and gratitude. My mixed emotions are a whirlwind, and I long to reach out to our friend, and hold her, and comfort her, but when I try no comforting words seem to come. I want her to know that she was a good mom, that she is a good person, and that she will be blessed and get another chance. I want to stretch my arms out to her, and tell her that God is there, waiting to take it all from her. I pray that this situation brings her closer to Him, and not further. I want something to bring her some sort of comfort, and I want her to heal well.
I woke up this morning, thankful that I have kids today. I have thanked God every five minutes for the extra days, and for the time already spent with my children, and loved ones. I have held Peanut as many times as she has asked. I kiss her a thousand times, and I am waiting for Sweet Face to come home so I can hold him on my lap. I am not afraid of losing my children, because I know that God is with them, and me, but I Still realize it is a possibility, and I realize how lucky I am to have the time I have. I am thankful, for one more day of hugs, and smiles. One more day of laughter, and funny stories. I am thankful even for another day of tears. I am thankful that they are healthy, and actually feel sorrow of any complaints I have had about them, ever. I want to lay on the couch and cuddle them. I almost kept Sweet Face home from school today, but even though a little soul is gone, the world still goes on. I encourage all who read this. Take extra time to spend with your children, your loved ones. Kiss them a few times more, hold them in your arms a little longer, memorize their precious faces, and make lasting memories. Thank God for all the beautiful time you have spent with them, giving and receiving their love. And thank him each and every day for the extra time He gives you!
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