I was a freak before, might as well be a JESUS Freak!

            It wasn't long ago, when I felt like most people. Annoyed by the many "bible pushers" out there. I truly didn't understand why they were so pumped up, and every time one of them would start to witness or minister to me, I would roll my eyes and tune them out! "What makes her think she is better than me?" Or "Don't you think you are getting a little carried away?" Were constant thoughts every time I was faced one of these people.
               I have even seen people close to me declare their love to the Lord, and give Him so much credit, and thought they must have had their minds altered in some sort of cult! Weak minded people! I constantly thought they were judging me, or telling me that the way I lived wasn't good enough! I justified my actions and my life with ignorant notions. 
              "God doesn't care if I am having sex with my boyfriend, because we love each other, or I believe Jesus is my savior, back off." And the thought of listening to Christian music..HA!
Get real.  I had a "REAL" life, I don't need that! I honestly put my own spin on the "biblical laws" in order to fit my sinful life! 
               Looking back on that life, I have to laugh. Who was I really fooling? Not even myself.... truly. Honestly, I think most of us can't stand "bible thumpers" due to our own convictions. I mean if you don't believe in God, isn't because you want to live a certain way without consequences? And that might work for THIS lifetime, but good luck to you on the next! (Look, here I am preaching! sorry!)
             Until recently, I did think people, "in love with Christ" were weird and carried away, but now I realize, that it isn't about being judgemental, at least not for me. Once I started to understand the truth in Lord, and see what I could be, what life was meant to become, I just had to share the news with everyone I came across. When I go to the store, I a dying for someone to approach me, and mention Christianity or God. I just want to reach out to everyone who might be hurting, and say, "You can find comfort, the most amazing comfort in God.. Jesus died so that you don't have to live like this. YOU CAN BE FREE!" I don't want to judge what you are doing, I want you to feel as good as I do!
           I can't speak for every radical Christian out here, but I know that all I want is to be to others, what i have gotten from my Christian family. Understanding, and solace. I have received God's grace, and have had my eyes opened! I want everyone to feel that, I want everyone to have a personal relationship.
           So when you think to yourself, "Liz is so annoying with all of her God hoopla." remember that it was only a year ago, the only thing getting me out of bed, was the duty I felt to care for my children, and now I get up to rejoice in God's love, and to show my children and the others in around what God's love can be. I smile so often, and laugh harder than I have in years! I just want to spend eternity with you on my side!

Letters to the beyond

Dear God, 

       I have spent the last 29 years fighting with you, resisting you and your love. As a child I could feel your arms around me every time my mother smiled, kissed me, or comforted me, but I also saw how close the devil could get to me while I felt the neglect of my father, on my heart.

      I've seen the world swallow amazing people too young, and instead of leaning on You, Lord God, I found comfort in drugs or alcohol, in poetry, music, or bad influences, and spent too much time wallowing in my despair.

       When I got to experience the miracle of motherhood I complained, felt resentful, and empty, instead of taking the opportunity of basking in your grace and glory. Instead of showing Your amazing love to my children.

        You showed me the man that You chose for me, and I had the audacity to say it wasn't good enough, by being unforgiving and holding onto every wrong doing, and I chose to walk with only my emotions, never really thinking much about his. When you showed me what he and I could be together, I rejected to image, and held on tighter to my bitterness, and resentments.

        I've spent too long not being thankful, but dissatisfied with the mediocrity of the life you had planned for me.

       But now, here I am Father, four days shy of 30, and I am fully ready to surrender my ALL to you. Not just to make you number one in my life, but to GIVE my life to you. I am ready and willing to love everyone, especially the wonderful man, children, and family, that you have put into my life, according to YOUR law. I want to forgive, and heal not only my wounds, but the wounds of others. I am ready, to show my gratitude towards you , and everything you have given me; in the past, now, and for everything I am blessed to receive in the future. I am going to walk in faith, and fearlessly and be your light in such a dark world. 

       Here I am Lord, thanking you for never letting me go, for teaching me to love better than I could imagine, for showing me how to be loved, for continually blessing me even though I was so far from you. I am giving up my life, my control, and I want... I need you to take it over. From this day forward I am committing myself to doing your will, no matter what that may mean; to having faith that it'll be for the better, and being thankful for your faithfulness, and to show you the same love and respect, and faith that you have shown me.

         I have finally realized that this life isn't about me, or what I want or what I think or even feel. This life is about preparing for eternity and helping others see your glory, along the way.

                                 Yours Truly,

                                     Liz

Why does bad stuff always happen to me?

          In the olden days, if a Shepard had a lamb or sheep, (doesn't sheep sound plural?) that kept straying from the herd, he would brake the animals legs, and carry it around his neck. He didn't necessarily so this to be cruel, there was a lesson involved for the mischievous lamb. The Shepard would carry the lamb wherever he went for as long as it took for the lamb's legs to heal, that way when the Shepard would release the lamb, it would be so used to being the the Shepard that it never strayed away again! Remind you of anyone?
           I have spent so many days and nights wondering, why me? Why would God let this happen, why does everything always have to be a struggle, everything in my life is so hard! Mind you, I think a lot of our struggles happen because we aren't doing what we are supposed to. Why are your finances screwed up? Because you screwed them, and so forth! And sometimes I think it is the enemy trying to keep us down. What better way to keep you from the Lord, then to remove all of your hope. Yet, once you reach your absolute bottom, who is that we usually look to? We find ourselves searching for God at our weakest, and he graciously accepts us, with open arms. It's like the footprints in the sand:

                                            

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

He carries us, just like the lamb through our hardships, while we are wounded. That way when we are healed and complete, it is easier for us to remember what he did from us. We no longer want to stray from Him.

       Though, having your "legs broken" is never pleasant, sometimes God lets bad things happen, because that is the only way He can reach you! He spends so much time stretching out His hand, just hoping you'll grab on, and sometimes, pain, is the only way! I know that when I found God, I mean REALLY found Him, I was in a dark place, and now that I am well, I will not forget Him, I will do His will, no matter how it makes me feel. And hopefully, I won't have to be broken again!

"Try Jesus, Satan will always take you back!"

         A recent discussion with a friend, who is not as positive about being a Christian as I am, had me thinking. We were talking about my recent discovery in what really serving the Lord added to life, and she said very honestly that, one of the reason's she isn't ready to submit, is that she doesn't want to give up her current lifestyle!  As I really started to meditate on this, not only do I understand her reaction, but I started to wonder, "What do we give up in life, as Christians?" 
         I think there are a lot of people who have the same reaction as my friend. In fact, more than once I have heard someone say something like that! "If I want to drink a beer or two, why should I feel guilty!" "I don't want to have to say sorry every time I swear!" Etc... Etc... And though I do think that as Christians we do give up some things, or should, as the Holy Spirit prompts us, but what we gain is so much more!
       What is going out and getting drunk doing FOR us? What is swearing, and speaking negatively doing FOR you? Or having promiscuous sex, or sex without marriage. Don't all of these things in our lives ultimately make us feel bad about ourselves? I have been there. Living in sin, not wanting to change where I was at. 
         At 21, I met Husband, in a bar, and yes, I was VERY drunk! Husband and I fell in love quickly, and I remember thinking if I loved the person I was sleeping with, God wouldn't mind if we weren't married. After six months of knowing each other, we were pregnant with Sweet Face, and living together. After Sweet Face was born Husband kept insisting we get married, but I resisted. "Why fix what isn't broken?" But eventually I gave in! (The truth is he wouldn't give me another baby, unless we were married, so we got married... Yet another wrong way to go into a marriage) The day of my wedding, I remember standing in front of the door to walk down the aisle. My heart pounding, and palms sweaty, I was waiting for someone to tell me to run. I knew we shouldn't get married, our relationship was not in a good place, and I thought if someone else would say it, maybe it was more than cold feet. But no one even whispered any doubt to me, and I eventually made it down the aisle, all the while thinking, "I can always get divorced!" 
          In our marriage and our lives Husband and I have lost ourselves to anger, we swear, we fought, we got drunk, we lusted after others, I didn't respect him as a husband, I loathed my life, and the whole time, I felt like there was something missing , that I would spend eternity looking for! And none of the sin, I was creating or taking part of, was filling that void, it just seemed to make it bigger!
          I look back on that life, and it feels like someone else's. Since being saved, I have given things up. I don't swear, (at least hardly ever). I try to be positive in my speaking and my attitude. I kick the negative feelings out, declaring my new thoughts! I don't drink, because for me, I have a hard time doing that, and keeping my Christian face on. I try to respect my husband, and treat him as a Godly wife should. I apologize when the Holy Spirit tells me to, whether or not I want to. I've even tried to stop over eating, and taking care of my bodily temple.  I stay up late to read my bible and spend time with God. I may have given up some instant gratifications, but I truly believe the rewards, though may be slower, are worth the sacrifice. And once again, as we talk about sacrifice, I have to point out, that God sacrificed His ONLY son. Could any of you parents, imagine doing that? Knowing that He is to be killed, and tortured, and having to watch it, and do it anyways. Jesus sacrificed His life. And though he was raised from the dead, He still had to endure the pain, and rejection. How many of us avoid even being friends with someone, or starting a new relationship in order to prevent rejection or pain? And as we meditate on what was sacrificed for us, doesn't it make sense to at the very least sacrifice things, that weren't even good for you to begin with, in order to be closer to our Creator, and Savior?
          And let me just say that since, letting go of these worldly desires, my life has been filled with so much more. I no longer crave something to fill me. I live in harmony with myself and Husband. (For the most part) I am joyous most of my days, and feel the Lord's love all day everyday. I see things clearer, and enjoy my blessings more. I have even discovered what I am supposed to do with my life, and now have future goals! I am no longer searching for something, because I have found what I was looking for. And the very best part? I know where I am spending eternity! I can't imagine hell is good... I mean take all of your pain and suffering that you have endured through out your life, multiply it about ten million, and you still aren't even close to what hell feels like.... Forever! It makes me excited that I don't ever have to see that! 
           I read this bumper sticker once, and immediately thought it was great: "Try Jesus, Satan will always take you back!" A little sacrifice in this life, doesn't seem so bad, when compared to eternity!
          

Check up please!

           Today I had my first doctor's appointment with my new PCP. I wasn't going to go, because, well, I get nervous, and don't like to talk about stuff in fear I look stupid or pathetic! I also am afraid that a new doctor might think I am a hypochondriac and not take me seriously! But I went. I wasn't impressed with the interior of the office. It looked old, and rundown, and to be perfectly honest a little shady. But I had heard so many wonderful things about my potential new doctor, so I stayed, with high expectations!
           I went over my ridiculous family history, early heart disease, cancer, fibromyalgia, lupus, celiac disease, neropothy, diabetes, addiction, depression, epilepsy, etc. etc, and saw the shock on the nurse's face, then my personal history, of stomach issues, migraines, insomnia, lower back pain, neck pain, legs, and feet pain, constipation with frequent diarrhea (It's like an oxymoron) blah, blah, blah. Of course I am pretty sure they think I am a freak, and let me point out real quick, because they deserve some props, Sweet Face, and Peanut, both attended this two hour long appointment, and were so well behaved, I am still astounded. I never had to yell at them, not even once. I am very proud at how great those two are!
          Anyways, after talking to my doctor for awhile, he looks over old blood test results from my previous doctor, and informs me that, I have low B12, my good cholesterol is too low, and my bad cholesterol is too high, and no one ever bothered to tell me! Forgetting the problems that any of those factors could cause, I feel absolutely betrayed and neglected by my previous doctor's. These are people that we as patients entrust with our well being and lives! IT is absolutely ridiculous, that I wasn't informed, and made aware of how to improve those things. I am totally flabbergasted!
         Disappointed, don't you owe it to your patients to care about them, isn't that part of some oath? And on an even more personal level, it does make me feel like I don't matter. Another person in my life, making feel inadequate!
            The good news is new Doc, ordered up lots of tests, gave me a new med to try for my migraines, (With samples so I am not wasting money on something that might not help) and already scheduled a follow up appointment. This guy has done more for me in the first two hours of meeting him, than the old Dr, has done for me in the last three years of seeing him! And he is a christian to boot. I am feeling excited and confident that things are about to take a turn, for the better! 2012 is going to be awesome for my health! Praise God

Being really real..... for real

     After receiving catastrophic family news last night (I would love to share the details, but they are NOT really details of mine to share, sorry) I seem to be struggling. I prayed hard all evening yesterday, that God's plan would somehow be revealed, or that we would just know that what is best is going to happen. Sometimes you don't get the answers you are looking for but have to step out in faith anyway. And sometimes it isn't easy, especially when you have to fight your feelings.
       When you really study Christianity, it is often said that you need to ignore your feelings and go by what you know through the word of God. I have heard it over and over again, and thought I really understood, until day! I think it is so hard to do that, when your feelings and your faith, are SCREAMING completely opposite ideals. Not to mention all of the in between stuff. When your emotions are involved, how do you know when you are hearing from God? It can all be so confusing, and exhausting.
         I spent much of the night on the phone with my mom, assuring her that God had a plan, and that we had to trust Him, even though it seemed wrong to us. That even though we feel like we know what the best thing is, and that logically it makes sense, and in that aspect, we are probably right, God's logic is different and we must believe that it is all part of a plan. That it is going to end brilliantly, if we listen to His guidance! And as I lay down to go to sleep, I believed all that I had said. Obviously from the bible we know that God does lots of things that defies all logic, like burning bushes, staffs turning into sticks, rivers of blood, raising men from the dead, pregnant virgins, and so forth... So we have to put our faith in Him. 
         Then the nightmares came. A horrible, horrible dream about my mother. And any of you who might know me personally, knows that my mother, is my absolute best friend. She knows things about me, most  mom's don't know about their daughters, and vice versa. I am very close to her, and I don't know what my life would be without her. She is amazing....
         Anyways, in the dream we were talking on the phone, not about anything serious, actually, I seemed to be at my dad's house or something, we were talking about sled riding, and then I had asked her what a "guidance ring" was. And she just sat there. I said, "Mom are you there?" and she grunted, "yeah" Then I asked if she was alright, and she just grunted again. So then I said, "Well do you know what that is? A guidance ring?" And nothing. I didn't hear anything! My heart began to race, I started to panic. "Mom?" no answer. And then all of a sudden I could hear grunting, of some sort, and shuffling. Like things were being thrown or falling. And I fell to my knees. I am on the phone screaming for my mother to answer, and I yell for Husband. "Call 911, I think my mom is having a stroke!" I start to leave to go to her and... I wake up!
          Just thinking about that dream again, makes my heart beat a little faster. And yes, I have been waiting all morning to hear her voice after she wakes up. 
         So I have been feeling uneasy, a little cranky, and angry at the situation at hand. I know that I should be praying and asking God for comfort and guidance. I know that I should be hopeful, "You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth." -Psalm 65:5 (NIV)
 But my feelings tell me I am angry, and worried. I know that I should be happy for the day, and that God is always faithful, and I know he has a plan. I am learning much today about putting your faith first, regardless to your "feelings". But it's a struggle right now. I guess I will be walking around sighting scripture, using my authority, and trying NOT to be angry, and try to remember Isaiah 45:5-7- "I am the Lord, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is non besides me. I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things." T remember that everything is under God's control!
         I will keep praying!

Writings... on the wall..? :)

          For as long as I can remember, without any exaggerating, I wanted to be a writer. Even as a two year old, I would spend hours scribbling wiggly marks on lines of paper. I love every aspect of writing. The creating, the actual writing. From the time I could put sentences to together I've written short stories, poems, a journal, and even stabbed at a few novels. I love to write, and to read. Words were my life. Paper... Oh the wonder of it. I could look at a blank piece of paper and feel excited for what was about to come. Every empty page, being a way to start new, fresh. The intoxicating smell of brand new paper, and the opening of a new journal. There are times I write aimlessly about nothing, because I am so close to the end of one journal, and get so excited to start a new one! I love to think of things to say, to write them down, to go over it and write it in a better way. I love the idea that someday any of my writings could help someone with their struggles, be it big or little. I have fantasized about some young girl, finding my journals and reading them, and finally believing that she is not alone in the world, that someone made it through to have a better life. I think for a long time I kept my journals, and continued to write them, because I had wished someone had left something like that for me as a lost teenager.
            Even into adulthood, I continued to keep a journal. I wrote poems for my great loves, (Which is pretty much anyone I know. I fall in love with people fast and hard, and that love rarely ever dissipates, I carry it forever! That is just who I am!) until becoming a mother. Completely focused on being the best mother, wife, I could be I slowly lost my self, and everything that made me, me. I still wrote briefly in my journal from time to time. But not anywhere close to enough, and I don't know when the last time I wrote a poem, or a creative short story. (In the eight years I have been with Husband, I have written three journals, aside from the last year, which I have written four.) I could remember what it was like to be me, but that's all it really was... a faint memory. And with that loss, I also lost my inspiration, almost my ability to write. I'd take a stab at it every so often, but always felt like there was so much room for improvement. I had nothing to say. Or should I say, I lost my ability to find the right words. I felt like a stranger to my longtime best friend. Paper
             When I was saved last year, I began writing more and more often in journals. I started slowly. A prayer hear, and taking notes there, then I started writing my stories, or I guess what would be my testimonies, and then one day I woke up and thought, I should start bogging again. I only started blogging to get back into writing. I just thought if I could do something, that was just being mother or wife, it would help me find a sense of me. I am not delusional enough to think my writing is amazing, or that it is changing lives across the globe, but I do know, that it is already changing mine, and maybe that is enough.
              I know that writing this blog is part of God's plan. He has anointed so  much of my writing I realize it was really never about me, but glorifying Him, in a way I  really know how. I might not be a genius with words, but I do know how to get my point across in a relatable way! And God wants to use that! But He also, wants me to feel like I am someone other Liz the mom, Or Liz, Husband's wife. I am Liz, the writer, and while I fumble with a lot of my words, this blog gives me the opportunity to improve my skills, and there is a chance, that somewhere along the way it will help at least, one person feel like their life is not so lonely, or dare I say, find their way to God. And that is enough for me! It would be nice if someday my blog lead me to some sort of career, or amazing opportunity, but realistically, I don't think that is part of the plan, but who knows, I have no idea what God has planned for me. I just do what I am told, one day at a time!
              So I thank any readers out there, for stopping at this page, while I trip on my words, and topics. For giving my rambles the opportunity to make sense! I love you peeps! And I want you to know that there is a plan for YOU! Thank you again, and God Bless!

NICE

There is nothing more attractive than a man praying, let alone a group of men holding hands, praying, and doing it openly. And it warms my heart that some of these particular men are steelers, makes you proud of "Steeler Nation" YEAH BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CH-ch-ch-changes!

"I find myself longing for more out of my life. There is an empty gap staring at me through out my entire day. I can usually keep the blackness if it at bay by keeping myself busy. Running errands, kissing the kids, shopping, and more recently, and more often, eating. Then night falls and I put off going to bed at night for as long as possible by cleaning, or watching T.V. until until I can no longer hold open my eyes. Then I go... I lay there and get so overwhelmed with emptiness, and unfullfillment that I can't sleep at all.

My soul is crying out in desperation. It yearns for something more than being a mother, a wife, daughter, or friend. In all of those titles, not one actually describes who I am, just what. I'm lost in a sea of should be's. I am doggy paddling as who i am supposed to be, just barely passing through the massive waters.

There was once a time when I swam with forceful, confident strokes, now I am constantly gaping for air. Most of the time the water is so far above my head, I just want to give up...

How did I get so lost and incomplete?

I do love my life, or at least I know I should! I have wonderful children, who give me more love, and patience, and caring that I could ever ask for. An amazing husband that works hard to give me everything I need and want, both emotionally, and financially. I have good friends, and great family, yet I feel the constant presence of my empty loneliness. I don't understand it, nor how to change. I have come to realize that I can't do it on my own, that I have to turn it over to a higher power, and ask God for help... That's all I can do!"

That was a post I had written more than a year ago. December 5, 2010, If I remember correctly. I don't often think of that time in my life. At least not if I can help it. It was a horrible time, filled with desperation, and loss. I was truly searching for something that was going to fill the emptiness inside of me. I knew that I was blessed, and I had so many things in my life that other people have only dreamt about, but I couldn't help the sorrow. I was seriously searching for something; for some sort of answers.

It wasn't until my niece, My Spiritual Rock, was in pre- term labor, and we were at a hospital an hour away from home, that I finally found what it was I didn't know I was looking for. We were talking about her new found faith, her "bible pushing" attitude, and how I wasn't interested. I believed Jesus was my savior, and that was good enough for me. Then she asked me, in what I thought was an unrelated way, if I ever wanted more than the life I had. If I ever felt like I was missing something. "Every day of my life I wake up empty, and I lay back down, and pray that God shows me something. I have no idea what to do with my life, but I feel like I am supposed to do something more." With eyes full of pity, she said she had the perfect book for me. Someone had given it to her, but she never got around to reading it, and heard that it filled that purpose. Ironically, it was called The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren.

It's a book that you read one chapter a day, for forty days. You make a commitment to read it everyday, with an open heart. Ready to receive the word of God. This book literally changed my life! I realized shortly what life was really meant to be. We were put here, to love God, to serve Him, and to become like Christ. That it really isn't about THIS life, but This life is about preparing for the next one. I came to understand that the church I was going to for the past six years, wasn't filling me the way I need, and that I hadn't gained any fellowship.... Of any sort, and I learned that you need other Christians to challenge you, to love you, to guide you, and to challenge, love, and guide them in return!

It wasn't long after that, that I started attending the church I presently go to. I realized I wasn't as great of a Christian as I thought I was, and I am not even sure I was ever truly saved, but I was eventually born again. And though I can not say that this HUGE transformation occurred right away, I have been changed. It has been slow, and it hasn't been easy, but through listening to God, and obeying Him, reading the Word, and turning my life into something I could represent Him in, I have found my hope. I realize that God's love is never ending, it never fails, it never gives up... "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

I think it is important to not only look at this verse, and apply it to your everyday life. Your love with your spouse, or your love with your kids. The love we feel for our friends, siblings, aunt, uncles, even strangers that we are required to love, (biblically speaking) But this verse is so much more powerful when we look at it from God's point of view. This is not only the way we ought to love one another, but this is a testimony of God's love for us!

When I realized all of this, and that there really was a plan for my life, I started slowly transforming. I love harder, I forgive easier. I have humbled myself repeatedly by apologizing to people, I would NEVER want to apologize to. And I wake up more often happy and content, than I do not. And when I begin thinking I need more, I remember that I am where God wants me to be right now, I am doing what He wants me to do right now, I am WHO He wants me to be, RIGHT NOW. I'm sure that everyday is not going to be joyous, I am human, but I can take solace in knowing that, when I wake up angry, and discontent, when I act ungraciously, or ungrateful, my Rock was sent here and sacrificed so that I can be forgiven and free from all of my discrepancies. And that with each repentance I can start a new day, a new hour, or a new minute. All I have to do is pray, and He will take care of me, remove my sorrow, and shower me in His love. As long as I keep doing what I am He wants me to do, right now!

So much sorrow

Two days ago, a friend of mine lost her child. Her two month old daughter. She was a young, first time mother, who wanted so much to prove that she could be an amazing one. I personally have no doubts that she did everything she could for her baby girl, but the Lord had another plan. I'm not sure if faced with the same sort of position that I could find much comfort in the thoughts that, she is with the Lord. That there will be no more suffering, and maybe she had to go early, so she didn't have to face a long life of illness. I'm not sure after losing a child there is anything one could say to really bring comfort, at all.

They had a viewing for her. A great friend, Husband and I attended, and before entering we prayed together, that we could be God's light in such a dark time. That we could bring some sort of comfort, in a horrible situation, and we prayed for strength. I was overwhelmed by the presence of the Holy Spirit as I was getting out of the car, and thought that I was really prepared for what was in store. But as I entered the funeral home, I was literally paralyzed in fear, and grief. My skin began to get flushed and blotchy, and my heart raced while my palms sweat. I started to cry, and wasn't sure I could go in any further. My friend smiled, and sort of pushed me along, and as I was sitting there, waiting to see our friend who bared this loss, I started repeating in my thoughts, "I can do anything with Christ's help. With God I am ok. I have the Lord on my side, " and so forth. I could feel the courage and strength engulf me. I stood up to hold onto Husband, and noticed the teeny baby in the open casket. My heart sank, and my eyes filled with tears, as I stared at Husband, who seemed to be struggling as much as I was. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the longing to go home and be with my babies.

Eventually we made our way to see the grieving parents, and it was such a whirlwind of emotions. A group of people hugging and crying for the loss of a precious baby. For the loss the parents felt. For the time they didn't get to have loving that little child. For the fears of her mother, and the emptiness of their hearts. We cried for our own families, and longed for our children, and I think most of the parents there, were thankful that they got another day with their children.

In my short lifetime, I have seen many kinds of death. Cancer, heart disease, Teenagers, the old. Suicide, and car accidents. Sweet Face even said something about never crying when people pass, I am almost numb, and truly believe that it is a part of life, that we must all get comfortable with, but not this time.

This time, it was hard, and uncomfortable, and it left with me with a sense of sorrow, and gratitude. My mixed emotions are a whirlwind, and I long to reach out to our friend, and hold her, and comfort her, but when I try no comforting words seem to come. I want her to know that she was a good mom, that she is a good person, and that she will be blessed and get another chance. I want to stretch my arms out to her, and tell her that God is there, waiting to take it all from her. I pray that this situation brings her closer to Him, and not further. I want something to bring her some sort of comfort, and I want her to heal well.

I woke up this morning, thankful that I have kids today. I have thanked God every five minutes for the extra days, and for the time already spent with my children, and loved ones. I have held Peanut as many times as she has asked. I kiss her a thousand times, and I am waiting for Sweet Face to come home so I can hold him on my lap. I am not afraid of losing my children, because I know that God is with them, and me, but I Still realize it is a possibility, and I realize how lucky I am to have the time I have. I am thankful, for one more day of hugs, and smiles. One more day of laughter, and funny stories. I am thankful even for another day of tears. I am thankful that they are healthy, and actually feel sorrow of any complaints I have had about them, ever. I want to lay on the couch and cuddle them. I almost kept Sweet Face home from school today, but even though a little soul is gone, the world still goes on. I encourage all who read this. Take extra time to spend with your children, your loved ones. Kiss them a few times more, hold them in your arms a little longer, memorize their precious faces, and make lasting memories. Thank God for all the beautiful time you have spent with them, giving and receiving their love. And thank him each and every day for the extra time He gives you!

Revelations!

Revelations.... Not the book, but the ones that God keeps giving me!

One of my New Year's resolutions was to read a chapter a day of the Bible. Last night as I am reading John, Chapter 8. I think about how awful things had to have been for Jesus. He not only was tormented for who he was, and for what he believed in, but he knew it was all coming.
The minute he met Judas, he knew he was going to betray him in a way that would ultimately cause his death! And yet, Jesus not only befriended him, but made him a disciple. Someone who was very close! He walked into those cities, knowing that he was to be beaten, and spit on, and later killed. To bleed to death. And he did it all in faith.
AS I really meditate on all of this, it comes to me, not only should our goals in life be to be more Christ like in the fact that he was perfect. He lived without sin. Think about that! Without sin. That means never lying, never taking something that he shouldn't have, never swearing, or bad mouthing someone else. He never even complained, never got drunk. Could you imagine living without ANY sin? I can't? I try hard, but so often my human nature, my "EVE" nature wins, and I give into the sin in my life. And because Jesus sacrificed himself knowingly that it was coming, and that I didn't deserve it, I can be forgiven for ALL of my transgressions, so that one day I Can go be with Him in heaven, and spend eternity partying with my creator, and my savior! Pretty Awesome!
And if that wasn't enough, Jesus gives us something so much more. A perfect example of what faith is. Of what it means to walk in it, and to walk in love. Jesus sacrificed his life, his well-being, his comfort, his friendship, his love, knowing what was in store. He continued to forgive, and to love, he healed sinners, and performed miracles for people who didn't even believe in Him. He baptized us, and rose loved ones from the dead, and even after doing this, he was betrayed, not just by Judas, but by mankind. He was made fun of, mocked as they put a crown of thorns on him, bared him of his clothes, and forced him to kneel. He carried his cross, the very thing he was to bleed to death on, on barefoot, to his final place of death. The pain and the agony he must have felt as they drove nails into his wrists, his feet, and then hung by them. And he did it all in faith. Never complaining, never backing down. How many of us second guess God when told to forgive someone who has wronged us, or apologize to someone we have wronged?
The depths of what Jesus really did for us, are never ending. Like the waters of life that he lets flow into our hearts. Not only did he give us the amazing gifts of life, of healing, forgiveness, and eternity, but he also gave us an amazing inspiration, and the perfect example of what it means to walk in Faith, and Love.
Thank you Jesus Christ for saving me from my sins, from transgressions, from myself, and from the Enemy. Thank you for sharing the Word, and enduring so much horribleness, for someone as undeserving of me. Thank you for giving me forgiveness, and showing me what it means to follow you, to strive to be more "Christ-like" Thank you Lord Jesus for your everlasting grace, and for always being faithful! In Jesus' marvelous name... Amen!

http://youtu.be/-BetW_6vtNU Do yourself a favor, watch this video, and then take some time for just you and Him, and truly repent, and thank Jesus for all he has done! All the wonderful blessings he has given you!

Physical Abuse

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is physical force or violence that results in bodily injury, pain, or impairment. It includes assault, battery, and inappropriate restraint.

Who are the perpetrators?

Perpetrators may be acquaintances, sons, daughters, grandchildren, or others. Physical abuse that is perpetrated by spouses or intimate partners in order to gain power and control over the victim is described in the section on domestic violence. Perpetrators are likely to be unmarried, to live with their victims, and to be unemployed. Some perpetrators have alcohol or substance abuse problems. Some are caregivers for those they abuse.

Who is at risk?

As a group, victims of physical abuse do not differ significantly from seniors who are not abused.

What are the indicators?

Indicators are signs or clues that abuse has occurred. Physical indicators may include injuries or bruises, while behavioral indicators are ways victims and abusers act or interact with each other. Many of the indicators listed below can be explained by other causes (e.g. a bruise may be the result of an accidental fall) and no single indicator can be taken as conclusive proof. Rather, one should look for patterns or clusters of indicators that suggest a problem.

Physical indicators

Sprains, dislocations, fractures, or broken bones
Burns from cigarettes, appliances, or hot water
Abrasions on arms, legs, or torso that resemble rope or strap marks
Internal injuries evidenced by pain, difficulty with normal functioning of organs, and bleeding from body orifices
Bruises. The following types of bruises are rarely accidental:
Bilateral bruising to the arms (may indicate that the person has been shaken, grabbed, or restrained)
Bilateral bruising of the inner thighs (may indicate sexual abuse)
"Wrap around" bruises that encircle an older person's arms, legs, or torso (may indicate that the person has been physically restrained)
Multicolored bruises (indicating that they were sustained over time)
Injuries healing through "secondary intention" (indicating that they did not receive appropriate care)
Signs of traumatic hair and tooth loss
Behavioral indicators

Injuries are unexplained or explanations are implausible (they do not "fit" with the injuries observed)
Family members provide different explanations of how injuries were sustained
A history of similar injuries, and/or numerous or suspicious hospitalizations
Victims are brought to different medical facilities for treatment to prevent medical practitioners from observing a pattern of abuse
Delay between onset of injury and seeking medical care

If you or someone you know is abused or in danger please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

All information on this post was taken from http://www.preventelderabuse.org