After receiving catastrophic family news last night (I would love to share the details, but they are NOT really details of mine to share, sorry) I seem to be struggling. I prayed hard all evening yesterday, that God's plan would somehow be revealed, or that we would just know that what is best is going to happen. Sometimes you don't get the answers you are looking for but have to step out in faith anyway. And sometimes it isn't easy, especially when you have to fight your feelings.
When you really study Christianity, it is often said that you need to ignore your feelings and go by what you know through the word of God. I have heard it over and over again, and thought I really understood, until day! I think it is so hard to do that, when your feelings and your faith, are SCREAMING completely opposite ideals. Not to mention all of the in between stuff. When your emotions are involved, how do you know when you are hearing from God? It can all be so confusing, and exhausting.
I spent much of the night on the phone with my mom, assuring her that God had a plan, and that we had to trust Him, even though it seemed wrong to us. That even though we feel like we know what the best thing is, and that logically it makes sense, and in that aspect, we are probably right, God's logic is different and we must believe that it is all part of a plan. That it is going to end brilliantly, if we listen to His guidance! And as I lay down to go to sleep, I believed all that I had said. Obviously from the bible we know that God does lots of things that defies all logic, like burning bushes, staffs turning into sticks, rivers of blood, raising men from the dead, pregnant virgins, and so forth... So we have to put our faith in Him.
Then the nightmares came. A horrible, horrible dream about my mother. And any of you who might know me personally, knows that my mother, is my absolute best friend. She knows things about me, most mom's don't know about their daughters, and vice versa. I am very close to her, and I don't know what my life would be without her. She is amazing....
Anyways, in the dream we were talking on the phone, not about anything serious, actually, I seemed to be at my dad's house or something, we were talking about sled riding, and then I had asked her what a "guidance ring" was. And she just sat there. I said, "Mom are you there?" and she grunted, "yeah" Then I asked if she was alright, and she just grunted again. So then I said, "Well do you know what that is? A guidance ring?" And nothing. I didn't hear anything! My heart began to race, I started to panic. "Mom?" no answer. And then all of a sudden I could hear grunting, of some sort, and shuffling. Like things were being thrown or falling. And I fell to my knees. I am on the phone screaming for my mother to answer, and I yell for Husband. "Call 911, I think my mom is having a stroke!" I start to leave to go to her and... I wake up!
Just thinking about that dream again, makes my heart beat a little faster. And yes, I have been waiting all morning to hear her voice after she wakes up.
So I have been feeling uneasy, a little cranky, and angry at the situation at hand. I know that I should be praying and asking God for comfort and guidance. I know that I should be hopeful, "You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth." -Psalm 65:5 (NIV)
But my feelings tell me I am angry, and worried. I know that I should be happy for the day, and that God is always faithful, and I know he has a plan. I am learning much today about putting your faith first, regardless to your "feelings". But it's a struggle right now. I guess I will be walking around sighting scripture, using my authority, and trying NOT to be angry, and try to remember Isaiah 45:5-7- "I am the Lord, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is non besides me. I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things." T remember that everything is under God's control!
I will keep praying!
When you really study Christianity, it is often said that you need to ignore your feelings and go by what you know through the word of God. I have heard it over and over again, and thought I really understood, until day! I think it is so hard to do that, when your feelings and your faith, are SCREAMING completely opposite ideals. Not to mention all of the in between stuff. When your emotions are involved, how do you know when you are hearing from God? It can all be so confusing, and exhausting.
I spent much of the night on the phone with my mom, assuring her that God had a plan, and that we had to trust Him, even though it seemed wrong to us. That even though we feel like we know what the best thing is, and that logically it makes sense, and in that aspect, we are probably right, God's logic is different and we must believe that it is all part of a plan. That it is going to end brilliantly, if we listen to His guidance! And as I lay down to go to sleep, I believed all that I had said. Obviously from the bible we know that God does lots of things that defies all logic, like burning bushes, staffs turning into sticks, rivers of blood, raising men from the dead, pregnant virgins, and so forth... So we have to put our faith in Him.
Then the nightmares came. A horrible, horrible dream about my mother. And any of you who might know me personally, knows that my mother, is my absolute best friend. She knows things about me, most mom's don't know about their daughters, and vice versa. I am very close to her, and I don't know what my life would be without her. She is amazing....
Anyways, in the dream we were talking on the phone, not about anything serious, actually, I seemed to be at my dad's house or something, we were talking about sled riding, and then I had asked her what a "guidance ring" was. And she just sat there. I said, "Mom are you there?" and she grunted, "yeah" Then I asked if she was alright, and she just grunted again. So then I said, "Well do you know what that is? A guidance ring?" And nothing. I didn't hear anything! My heart began to race, I started to panic. "Mom?" no answer. And then all of a sudden I could hear grunting, of some sort, and shuffling. Like things were being thrown or falling. And I fell to my knees. I am on the phone screaming for my mother to answer, and I yell for Husband. "Call 911, I think my mom is having a stroke!" I start to leave to go to her and... I wake up!
Just thinking about that dream again, makes my heart beat a little faster. And yes, I have been waiting all morning to hear her voice after she wakes up.
So I have been feeling uneasy, a little cranky, and angry at the situation at hand. I know that I should be praying and asking God for comfort and guidance. I know that I should be hopeful, "You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth." -Psalm 65:5 (NIV)
But my feelings tell me I am angry, and worried. I know that I should be happy for the day, and that God is always faithful, and I know he has a plan. I am learning much today about putting your faith first, regardless to your "feelings". But it's a struggle right now. I guess I will be walking around sighting scripture, using my authority, and trying NOT to be angry, and try to remember Isaiah 45:5-7- "I am the Lord, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is non besides me. I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things." T remember that everything is under God's control!
I will keep praying!
I will stand in prayer with you and confidence that God's plan will unfold and that you will have complete peace. Though I'm not sure what is happening, God knows everything and every need. I love you. Please don't worry. Trust in the Lord <3
ReplyDeleteThank You! I appreciate that, and I do believe that it will all work out, according to God's plan!
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