Most of us, as we grow, look to our past with longing hearts. Life as a single 21 year old, looks rather appealing to a stay at home mother of two, or the father that works 40 plus hours a week to come home to screaming kids, and a nagging wife, or the single mom, or father. Or really anyone. We look to our past as a time of sweet remembrance of freedom, and irresponsibility. We remember how great it was to be popular, good looking, funny, and the life to every party. Or at least I did.
For a long time I was completely dissatisfied with the life I got. I looked back to high school and being twenty one with such longing it killed me. I couldn't picture my future, because I was wishing to be someone I used to be. I wasn't happy with responsibility, or being a wife forever. I didn't even really want to improve the life I was living, because I just wanted to go back to the life I had lived.
I could see how lucky I should feel, but my heart never seemed to line up with my mind. I held onto the things that brought me back to that time, notes, gifts, memorabilia, and especially, music.
I don't know about you, but I can listen to a certain song and it can take me back to a specific time period in my life, and for a brief moment, I can remember what it felt like to be that person. I could almost smell the air of the season that song reminded me of, and see so vividly the memory it sparked. I would get lost in music. And music has helped me through many things in my life.
Blind Melon's "Change" Made me see how "if life is hard, you have to change" I remember hearing those lines, as if it were the first time and having the revelation of how true that was. That I was my very own enemy, and I sabotage myself. Or Lynard Skynard's Freebird. I remember driving down the road and that song came on, and I realized that the guy I was seeing was never going to change, he was going to always live his life, like he was missing something. He was always going to party, and I didn't want that for my life. So it was time to end our relationship, even though I loved him. Or listening to Rusted Root, can take me back to a concert I have been to where I felt so free, and pure, while I danced around and twirled like the free spirit, I thought I was! Jack Johnson reminds me of driving around Moraine Stat Park, checking out the scenery on a beautiful fall day. Or Chris Tomlin's Our God is Greater, reminds me of all the times I realized how true that statement is, and if our God is for us, than who could ever stop us, and if our God is with us, than what could stand against?" I remember the laying in bed, sobbing because I never thought Husband was ever going to be saved and the devil was pushing me so hard, that I almost gave up, and then that song came on my mp3 player, and I sang it loud, through bursting sobs, and felt the empowerment of God! Or the time at Friday Night Fire, when I realized the power in those lines and what they really meant! That I can conquer anything, I never have to be afraid, because God is on my side! (Obviously I found practicing that a little more difficult! But it is coming!)
Last night I was invited to go to a concert, that I would have really enjoyed a few years ago, but do to an impending migraine, I had to decline the invitation. Funny thing is, as soon as I told my friend, I didn't think I was going to make it, I started to feel better, right away. It occurred to me, that going to that concert, probably wouldn't have been as fun as it once was. I am not that person anymore. I don't really enjoy that music anymore. But it isn't really even about the music, the band, the people I would have seen. That part f my life is over. I am not the same person. I have grown up, I have changed. A good Saturday night to me is spending time with my kids, and thinking about my future! I am totally ok with letting that part of me go.. It took sometime to come to this point, but looking back, I am so glad I have. How can we ever be happy in our lives if we are constantly wishing we were somewhere else? If we are always looking behind us, we will NEVER be able to see where we are going. Some may call me lame, and that is ok. I am thirty years old, I am a mother, and a wife. I am a christian, and I spend my life now, trying to be pleasing to God. I can for the first time picture my future, and if that is boring, that;s ok with me. I have come to a point in my life, where I am glad to see the past in the past! I hope everyone gets to this place! And once again, I can attribute music, and God, to another memory and standpoint in my life. Only this time, it was not listening to the music that made the difference! By not going, I realized how happy and secure I am with my life and the person I am today!
For a long time I was completely dissatisfied with the life I got. I looked back to high school and being twenty one with such longing it killed me. I couldn't picture my future, because I was wishing to be someone I used to be. I wasn't happy with responsibility, or being a wife forever. I didn't even really want to improve the life I was living, because I just wanted to go back to the life I had lived.
I could see how lucky I should feel, but my heart never seemed to line up with my mind. I held onto the things that brought me back to that time, notes, gifts, memorabilia, and especially, music.
I don't know about you, but I can listen to a certain song and it can take me back to a specific time period in my life, and for a brief moment, I can remember what it felt like to be that person. I could almost smell the air of the season that song reminded me of, and see so vividly the memory it sparked. I would get lost in music. And music has helped me through many things in my life.
Blind Melon's "Change" Made me see how "if life is hard, you have to change" I remember hearing those lines, as if it were the first time and having the revelation of how true that was. That I was my very own enemy, and I sabotage myself. Or Lynard Skynard's Freebird. I remember driving down the road and that song came on, and I realized that the guy I was seeing was never going to change, he was going to always live his life, like he was missing something. He was always going to party, and I didn't want that for my life. So it was time to end our relationship, even though I loved him. Or listening to Rusted Root, can take me back to a concert I have been to where I felt so free, and pure, while I danced around and twirled like the free spirit, I thought I was! Jack Johnson reminds me of driving around Moraine Stat Park, checking out the scenery on a beautiful fall day. Or Chris Tomlin's Our God is Greater, reminds me of all the times I realized how true that statement is, and if our God is for us, than who could ever stop us, and if our God is with us, than what could stand against?" I remember the laying in bed, sobbing because I never thought Husband was ever going to be saved and the devil was pushing me so hard, that I almost gave up, and then that song came on my mp3 player, and I sang it loud, through bursting sobs, and felt the empowerment of God! Or the time at Friday Night Fire, when I realized the power in those lines and what they really meant! That I can conquer anything, I never have to be afraid, because God is on my side! (Obviously I found practicing that a little more difficult! But it is coming!)
Last night I was invited to go to a concert, that I would have really enjoyed a few years ago, but do to an impending migraine, I had to decline the invitation. Funny thing is, as soon as I told my friend, I didn't think I was going to make it, I started to feel better, right away. It occurred to me, that going to that concert, probably wouldn't have been as fun as it once was. I am not that person anymore. I don't really enjoy that music anymore. But it isn't really even about the music, the band, the people I would have seen. That part f my life is over. I am not the same person. I have grown up, I have changed. A good Saturday night to me is spending time with my kids, and thinking about my future! I am totally ok with letting that part of me go.. It took sometime to come to this point, but looking back, I am so glad I have. How can we ever be happy in our lives if we are constantly wishing we were somewhere else? If we are always looking behind us, we will NEVER be able to see where we are going. Some may call me lame, and that is ok. I am thirty years old, I am a mother, and a wife. I am a christian, and I spend my life now, trying to be pleasing to God. I can for the first time picture my future, and if that is boring, that;s ok with me. I have come to a point in my life, where I am glad to see the past in the past! I hope everyone gets to this place! And once again, I can attribute music, and God, to another memory and standpoint in my life. Only this time, it was not listening to the music that made the difference! By not going, I realized how happy and secure I am with my life and the person I am today!
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