The day I found out I was going to be a mom, was.... nothing less than dramatic. I looked over at the stick sitting on the sink as I pulled up my pants, and the unmistakable double pink lines showed up. "This can't be real!" I panicked, and looked at Husband, (then, I'm sorry to say, Boyfriend) for a swift reality check. I called him into the bathroom, and handed him the stick. As I stood there biting at my cuticles, ( I know it is a disgusting habit) I watched for some sign that he and I were on the same page. It couldn't be real and we would be shocked, and horrified at the same time, together. Instead, he looked up at me and smiled! Yeah, I said it, smiled. That is not a typo. I was overwhelmed with confusion and as a response all I could think to do was to hit him. So I did. I mean, how could he do this to me. Shouldn't someone have asked my permission before altering the rest of my life? A child/ With him? What did I really know about him? What did I really know about me? I knew I liked my life just the way it was, I knew that a child would make life hard. I knew that, I hadn't gone to college, I didn't even have a legit job, I was a nanny. How was I supposed to care for a CHILD?
I took a big breathe, grabbed my car keys and got out of there. I drove myself to the store, where I bought three more boxes of pregnancy tests. This could NOT be happening. I went to my friends house where I peed on all six test, and every one of them yelling at me with there neon lines, and blinking "pregnancy" response... It was time to face the music. I was pregnant! Now what was I going to do about it?
There was never a time in my life where I thought abortion would even be an option, and it wasn't then. I was going to have this child... but was I going to do it alone? Was I going to try to make things work with boyfriend? What is the normal procedure for all of this? I had a lot of thinking to do, and needed boyfriend there to help make the decisions, if I were to be fair. So that;s what we did. We made the decision to raise this child together. We got a two bedroom apartment, and moved in together. Boyfriend worked a full time job as a carpenter, and I worked part time as a nanny and would try to find another job, until the baby came.
The next nine months went quickly, and they were hard. We struggled to grow up, and fought against the adult responsibility we now faced. We took that time to figure out our roles in each other's lives, and I have to say, it didn't look promising. Boyfriend didn't want to give up his old life, for this new one. And I knew he might never do so,and resentfully I accepted that I had to change.
I dreamt of what my baby boy would look like, and what being a mom would feel like. I don't ever remember being really excited, I just remember waiting. Waiting for my new life, waiting for my old body, (insert hysterical laughter here) waiting for boyfriend to man up, waiting to feel the love every mother talks about, waiting to be happy.
My journey into motherhood has been hard, and I learn more and more lessons.
When Sweet Face made his appearance into this world, my life did change, drastically. And as some of you know, I might not have felt that immediate connection with him, but eventually I fell harder for him than I ever imagined possible. Boyfriend, (Who I can proudly call Husband) and I made the tough decision to stay together, and to make our family the best we could. It was hard, and terrible, and stressful, and I cried more tears than I ever thought I could, but I have learned to LOVE him harder than I ever thought I could. Choosing to start a family , and to start that family with Husband changed my life, and I can say it was for the better. If I hadn't who knows where I would be right now. What kind of path I could have taken, what I can say with certainty, is that whatever that road had been, it wouldn't have been as beautiful. This road was so bumpy, and bendy, oh but the scenery has been gorgeous. Now I have this beautiful God given family.
Husband, possibly the greatest man I have ever known. He isn't perfect, but he is strong, and protective. He loves me and the kids, and he lives to please God. He has a great heart, and is willing to do whatever it takes to better himself. He has these piercing blue almond shaped eyes, that can melt my heart on my coldest days. His hands, though rough, are big and perfect, and I have never felt anything but safe in them. And you don't even want to get me started on his perfect lips.... let's just leave it at that... They are perfect. God knew what He was doing when he paired me up with Husband. Husband let's me be who I am, no matter how crazy or erratic that may be, he let's me giving with the money he works hard to make. He opens his home, and heart to others, and he loves harder than I could ever imagine doing. I wish I could love as greatly as he does.
Sweet Face is an amazing kid. With big brown eyes, and dark olive skin, and his father's perfect lips, his smile, could calm the most violent of storms. He was born generous, and sensitive. He is determined to succeed in life, but strives to be kind above all else. He loves God, and wants to do whatever it takes to get closer to him. He has the singing voice of an angel, and has a musical talent that I have only dreamt for. He is so smart, that even though he has dyslexia, he still works hard, and teaches himself a way to learn the things he needs to, and has never been behind. He is thoughtful, and has a strong, good heart. I am proud to be his Mom Mom!
And Peanut, oh Peanut. My little soul mate. She has these big puppy dog eyes, and she know how to use them. The same perfect lips that her brother and father have, creating the cutest little girl alive, and paired up with her sweet disposition... She is a force to be reckoned with. She has strong will, and can't be talked into anything. She is a born leader, and she loves hard. She is one of the smartest and observant people I have ever met. She is kind, and polite. She wants everyone to get a long, and not only did she complete our family, I feel like she saved it. She loves God, and writes songs praising Him, all on her own. She has an amazing artistic ability, and can figure out just about anything. She is sensitive in her own right, and just wants everyone to feel loved. I am honored to have her as a part of my life.
This is my family. We are messy, and sloppy, and our house is never clean. We fight and we cry, and sometimes we treat each other poorly, but I have never experienced more love than I do everyday after I chose to make this my family. I feel not only luck but grateful that God chose me to be a part of these amazing people's lives, and I am so glad I get to spend the rest of mine learning from them, and laughing with them, loving them, hugging them, kissing them, crying with them, and growing closer to God with them. Everyday is a day the Lord has made, but in my days, I get to spend it with the three greatest people on this Earth... So I will today and everyday, rejoice and be glad in it!
My family is this Mother's grace.
I took a big breathe, grabbed my car keys and got out of there. I drove myself to the store, where I bought three more boxes of pregnancy tests. This could NOT be happening. I went to my friends house where I peed on all six test, and every one of them yelling at me with there neon lines, and blinking "pregnancy" response... It was time to face the music. I was pregnant! Now what was I going to do about it?
There was never a time in my life where I thought abortion would even be an option, and it wasn't then. I was going to have this child... but was I going to do it alone? Was I going to try to make things work with boyfriend? What is the normal procedure for all of this? I had a lot of thinking to do, and needed boyfriend there to help make the decisions, if I were to be fair. So that;s what we did. We made the decision to raise this child together. We got a two bedroom apartment, and moved in together. Boyfriend worked a full time job as a carpenter, and I worked part time as a nanny and would try to find another job, until the baby came.
The next nine months went quickly, and they were hard. We struggled to grow up, and fought against the adult responsibility we now faced. We took that time to figure out our roles in each other's lives, and I have to say, it didn't look promising. Boyfriend didn't want to give up his old life, for this new one. And I knew he might never do so,and resentfully I accepted that I had to change.
I dreamt of what my baby boy would look like, and what being a mom would feel like. I don't ever remember being really excited, I just remember waiting. Waiting for my new life, waiting for my old body, (insert hysterical laughter here) waiting for boyfriend to man up, waiting to feel the love every mother talks about, waiting to be happy.
My journey into motherhood has been hard, and I learn more and more lessons.
When Sweet Face made his appearance into this world, my life did change, drastically. And as some of you know, I might not have felt that immediate connection with him, but eventually I fell harder for him than I ever imagined possible. Boyfriend, (Who I can proudly call Husband) and I made the tough decision to stay together, and to make our family the best we could. It was hard, and terrible, and stressful, and I cried more tears than I ever thought I could, but I have learned to LOVE him harder than I ever thought I could. Choosing to start a family , and to start that family with Husband changed my life, and I can say it was for the better. If I hadn't who knows where I would be right now. What kind of path I could have taken, what I can say with certainty, is that whatever that road had been, it wouldn't have been as beautiful. This road was so bumpy, and bendy, oh but the scenery has been gorgeous. Now I have this beautiful God given family.
Husband, possibly the greatest man I have ever known. He isn't perfect, but he is strong, and protective. He loves me and the kids, and he lives to please God. He has a great heart, and is willing to do whatever it takes to better himself. He has these piercing blue almond shaped eyes, that can melt my heart on my coldest days. His hands, though rough, are big and perfect, and I have never felt anything but safe in them. And you don't even want to get me started on his perfect lips.... let's just leave it at that... They are perfect. God knew what He was doing when he paired me up with Husband. Husband let's me be who I am, no matter how crazy or erratic that may be, he let's me giving with the money he works hard to make. He opens his home, and heart to others, and he loves harder than I could ever imagine doing. I wish I could love as greatly as he does.
Sweet Face is an amazing kid. With big brown eyes, and dark olive skin, and his father's perfect lips, his smile, could calm the most violent of storms. He was born generous, and sensitive. He is determined to succeed in life, but strives to be kind above all else. He loves God, and wants to do whatever it takes to get closer to him. He has the singing voice of an angel, and has a musical talent that I have only dreamt for. He is so smart, that even though he has dyslexia, he still works hard, and teaches himself a way to learn the things he needs to, and has never been behind. He is thoughtful, and has a strong, good heart. I am proud to be his Mom Mom!
And Peanut, oh Peanut. My little soul mate. She has these big puppy dog eyes, and she know how to use them. The same perfect lips that her brother and father have, creating the cutest little girl alive, and paired up with her sweet disposition... She is a force to be reckoned with. She has strong will, and can't be talked into anything. She is a born leader, and she loves hard. She is one of the smartest and observant people I have ever met. She is kind, and polite. She wants everyone to get a long, and not only did she complete our family, I feel like she saved it. She loves God, and writes songs praising Him, all on her own. She has an amazing artistic ability, and can figure out just about anything. She is sensitive in her own right, and just wants everyone to feel loved. I am honored to have her as a part of my life.
This is my family. We are messy, and sloppy, and our house is never clean. We fight and we cry, and sometimes we treat each other poorly, but I have never experienced more love than I do everyday after I chose to make this my family. I feel not only luck but grateful that God chose me to be a part of these amazing people's lives, and I am so glad I get to spend the rest of mine learning from them, and laughing with them, loving them, hugging them, kissing them, crying with them, and growing closer to God with them. Everyday is a day the Lord has made, but in my days, I get to spend it with the three greatest people on this Earth... So I will today and everyday, rejoice and be glad in it!
My family is this Mother's grace.
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