The last few weeks, year, life.... has been stressful. My mother recently suffered three small strokes in three weeks. She has been in the hospital four over half of those weeks, and is now in a rehab trying to learn how to walk again. II have learned so much from this experience. I have learned the importance of taken good care of myself, of teaching my kids how to care for themselves the right way, and what can happen if we don't start lifelong changes today! I have learned what I can do as an adult. I feel like I have grown up during this time. Before I would call Mom with any problem, any question, and I never realized how much I still depended on her in my adult life. She was the first person I turned to for comfort and guidance, and now she has to rely in me. I know now how much I can do, and that in any situation if I am leaning on God, I can be stretched pretty far. I can spend weeks in the hospital, even though my fear is at a all time high. (Do you know how many germs are in those hospitals? The thoughts that circulate through my mind are atrocious. I would share them, but I don't want to make any one else afraid!) I can sleep in the back of my van in a parking garage in Pittsburgh, if I have to, even though my flesh tells me its dangerous! I can pray for people I don't know, even though I really, really, rather not. I've seen how far I can be stretched, even though I feel lonely and cold, and angry at the people I thought I could depend on, and have found out I can't. I've learned that Husband really does make me whole, and when I need lifted up, he tried hard to be my strength. What a blessing He is. Even when I am mean to him for no reason, he responds with love, and prayer and gentleness. He truly completes me.
I've learned how much I miss and love my kids, and how understanding they can be. I have seen them, especially Peanut, sit in hospitals day after day, so well behaved, being God's light at such a dark time in so many lives! And I am on the verge of learning much about patience. Mom's mind is slower, and it takes her a long time to say something, or to get somewhere. Sometimes, she just forgets it all. She gets frustrated, but her strength and persistence is absolutely inspiring! She is a fighter and a full recovery is expected. I have also learned, probably the most important lesson of all, to let it go. To give it God, and have faith that he will make it good. When the doctor came in the other day and told us, he literally had NO answers to give us. He didn't know why this kept happening, or how to prevent it from happening again, all we were left to do, is pray, and know that God is listening, and will answer. And I do believe it. I believe He will show us what to do next, and how to take care of Mom. I have handed it to Him.
I have seen God's grace and His love throughout this experience. All three times Mom had a stroke, I have been present so I know what to look for, and got her help as quickly as possible. They have been small episodes, and though she has a hard time walking and brain function isn't as sharp as it was, it could have been much worse. She could be paralyzed, or dead. There's a blessing in that alone! She has stopped smoking. A woman who has smoked my entire life, and long before, has finally been scared enough to stop, and she is taking better care of herself. She feels closer to God, and is learning to trust others. There really is good in all situations!
During all of this, I have continued to go to college, and take tests and midterms, which has been a different type of stress all of its own! But I have continued to do it, and I am now closer to actually finishing something, especially a class, then Ihave ever been before. God has granted me with so many beautiful blessings, that it's almost hard to believe. It isn't hard to see how much He loves me, however. Only a fool would not be able to see that. And though I am not sure I did all that great on my midterm, I do think I at least "passed" it, and that is really all I can ask for.
We also have been house hunting. Through God's grace, we have been qualified for our very first house loan. Something very exciting to us, and if you come back later, there will be a post on that subject all its own. Though an amazing gift from God, buying a house, especially by someone who isn't such a fan of commitment; as myself, can be very stressful. Finding the "right" home is exhausting. Then Husband and I keep praying and relying on the Holy Spirit to tell us which is right. We know that if it is God's will, we will be able to handle it, but hearing God in this particular part of our lives, is much harder than I had expected! Yet, once again, it is being a lesson from God. I am learning that I need to let Husband have the most control in this situation, after all, what do I really know about houses? I just know if I like them, and the yard is doable! lol.
And then there is the kids! Because of my absence in the home, and Husband being a much more..... how should I put it..."relaxed" parent. Sweet Face and Peanut seem to be getting used to doing whatever they want. When I finally do get to come home, I am greeted with defient children, and laundry and a messy house... Not to mention homework, and whinging, and b12 shots, and trying to eat, and grocery shopping, and this new twitch in the corner of my right eye, that makes it hard to keep it open, and my head feels like someone hit it in the back with a baseball bat.... But do not worry my faithful readers! I will be stressless again soon. Everyday I get a little better at handing it all over to God. I mean really, it says in Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." And I am continually learning that "worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere!" For once again it says in Matthew 6:27, "Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life."
So i guess today's lesson is, "Don't worry, be happy" The creator of all things is in control. And no matter how you spin, you aren't! If I had to give up control to someone, I rather it be Him. He created all things, He must know what He is doing!
I've learned how much I miss and love my kids, and how understanding they can be. I have seen them, especially Peanut, sit in hospitals day after day, so well behaved, being God's light at such a dark time in so many lives! And I am on the verge of learning much about patience. Mom's mind is slower, and it takes her a long time to say something, or to get somewhere. Sometimes, she just forgets it all. She gets frustrated, but her strength and persistence is absolutely inspiring! She is a fighter and a full recovery is expected. I have also learned, probably the most important lesson of all, to let it go. To give it God, and have faith that he will make it good. When the doctor came in the other day and told us, he literally had NO answers to give us. He didn't know why this kept happening, or how to prevent it from happening again, all we were left to do, is pray, and know that God is listening, and will answer. And I do believe it. I believe He will show us what to do next, and how to take care of Mom. I have handed it to Him.
I have seen God's grace and His love throughout this experience. All three times Mom had a stroke, I have been present so I know what to look for, and got her help as quickly as possible. They have been small episodes, and though she has a hard time walking and brain function isn't as sharp as it was, it could have been much worse. She could be paralyzed, or dead. There's a blessing in that alone! She has stopped smoking. A woman who has smoked my entire life, and long before, has finally been scared enough to stop, and she is taking better care of herself. She feels closer to God, and is learning to trust others. There really is good in all situations!
During all of this, I have continued to go to college, and take tests and midterms, which has been a different type of stress all of its own! But I have continued to do it, and I am now closer to actually finishing something, especially a class, then Ihave ever been before. God has granted me with so many beautiful blessings, that it's almost hard to believe. It isn't hard to see how much He loves me, however. Only a fool would not be able to see that. And though I am not sure I did all that great on my midterm, I do think I at least "passed" it, and that is really all I can ask for.
We also have been house hunting. Through God's grace, we have been qualified for our very first house loan. Something very exciting to us, and if you come back later, there will be a post on that subject all its own. Though an amazing gift from God, buying a house, especially by someone who isn't such a fan of commitment; as myself, can be very stressful. Finding the "right" home is exhausting. Then Husband and I keep praying and relying on the Holy Spirit to tell us which is right. We know that if it is God's will, we will be able to handle it, but hearing God in this particular part of our lives, is much harder than I had expected! Yet, once again, it is being a lesson from God. I am learning that I need to let Husband have the most control in this situation, after all, what do I really know about houses? I just know if I like them, and the yard is doable! lol.
And then there is the kids! Because of my absence in the home, and Husband being a much more..... how should I put it..."relaxed" parent. Sweet Face and Peanut seem to be getting used to doing whatever they want. When I finally do get to come home, I am greeted with defient children, and laundry and a messy house... Not to mention homework, and whinging, and b12 shots, and trying to eat, and grocery shopping, and this new twitch in the corner of my right eye, that makes it hard to keep it open, and my head feels like someone hit it in the back with a baseball bat.... But do not worry my faithful readers! I will be stressless again soon. Everyday I get a little better at handing it all over to God. I mean really, it says in Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." And I am continually learning that "worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere!" For once again it says in Matthew 6:27, "Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life."
So i guess today's lesson is, "Don't worry, be happy" The creator of all things is in control. And no matter how you spin, you aren't! If I had to give up control to someone, I rather it be Him. He created all things, He must know what He is doing!
